Stay Calm
Take a few (three) deep breaths
Assess the situation
Respond
If the person is not self aware, give direct orders i.e. “Sit down!” “Talk to me!”
If the person is aware, use “I feel” statements, active listening, asking clarifying questions in a tone to de-escalate the situation’s intensity.
“I feel ___ when you (do) ___ because ___. I would like you to _____.” This statement takes out blaming someone for what’s happening. Blaming inflames emotions. Without blaming there’s nothing to resist or fight against taking out the heat in a situation.
Active listening and asking clarifying questions says to the person “I hear you. I see you.” By acknowledging a person, he/she will feel safe enough to start calming down.
STEPS IN ACTIVE LISTENING:
Give full attention to speaker.
Listen to what is being said. Stop thinking about what you’re going to say.
Pay attention to speaker’s tone of voice, facial expressions, body language.
Sense the feelings being expressed.
Be non-judgmental. Set aside any opinions.
Be patient. Don’t interrupt. Ask questions only to clarify.
Show interest and empathy.
Clarify. Is this ____what I'm hearing you say?
NOTE: Often in a highly charged situation, a person has no answer to the question “Why?”
Another way to help a person focus and release tension is to ask:
Is there a special reason for you to be ______________________________?
Saying this
Doing this
Feeling this
REMAIN CALM, CENTERED, FOCUSED